The Last Best Communist Plot: Cell Phones and DSL

If the development of cell phones and high speed internet had been actual Communist plots, we would surely have barred those technologies from the Big Hole Valley. Well, somebody somewhere must have feared the Red Peril, because we've been living without those subversive conveniences for years now.

We still chuckle when we see visitors unsuccessfully trying their city cell phones on the main street of Wisdom. (Traveler Alert: Want instant messaging in Montana? Use the Post office.)

There IS another communication alternative, but it’s more of an adventure than a solution.

While the nations’ Baby Bells gradually remove their slotted phones from street corners around the country, Wisdom, Montana still sports a well attended open telephone booth. It has a short metal cord that extends two feet…almost within reach of the park-bench close by. The phone usually-sometimes-always-never works in summer, and it’s too damn cold to touch in winter. We think the local telephone company…with a clear view of the action from their offices across the street…may have replaced the old rotary dialer with a push button model just to increase the comedy factor. Winter or summer, you can count on those buttons to occasionally work. (Traveler Alert: The better alternative is the inside pay phone at Wisdom River Gallery down the street.)

But now we see the recent intrusion of high speed internet. It's the final catastrophe. “Honey, grab the kids”!

Like the promise of bird flu, DSL has arrived, and with it of course comes the end of civilization as we know it. It’s only a matter of time before our girls will be asking to wear their cardigan sweaters backwards. What next…bobby socks instead of nylons? The horror.